I wish I had taken a photo of this woman. She was waiting for a bus in Managua as I was headed back to Masaya after a moderately successful mission to find the Managua FedEx office. The other funny one was “BLAME MY SISTER”. One thing I have noted here is the hilarity of the t-shirts that people wear here. Not in terms of style, but in terms of the weird English phrases on them. I highly doubt that they know that the t-shirts mean.
Having left the island a few days ago, I am definitely feeling a reverse culture shock of being back in a “city”. Especially when I am starting to realize that I really am not a fan of cities in general. I miss Totoco and my naturally air conditioned bed. I miss my non-flush toilet (even with my problems with emptying and cleaning said toilet). I miss the clean air. I miss the work too. And while it was time for me to leave, a part of me is wondering why I have to spend time in the cities in the first place. And then I remember...FedEx.
This is the situation. I am waiting for a much awaited package from home with such awesome things as a new t-shirt, vegan soap and toothpaste (yes I am that ridiculous), my glasses, and a guitar tuner. My issue has been a bit of “where in the world is this package?” I have spent countless hours and dollars on trying to find out where my package is and how to best get it. I thought it was in Rivas, which started a four hour search looking for it. Although it also meant that I sat on a Farmacia’s doorstep eating a watermelon half for an hour too, which was quite awesome.
It resulted in me finding out that they couldn’t send it to Rivas or Mayogalpa and that my phone is a piece of crap. I missed their telephone call because the ring was too quiet and the traffic too loud. Again, stupid city. So this morning after more dollars were spent calling, I ended up finding out that I needed to head to Managua for the package. Not exactly heading in the direction I wanted. Although it is still North, so I’ll keep that in mind.
I arrived in Masaya and again spent another hour and a half wandering through the municipal market searching for...something. What I really wanted was a taxi to take me to the FedEx office. But I didn’t want to ask one from the market. Then I realized that I was without lodgings. So perhaps I should look for that first. It took me another hour to find lodgings. And it’s expensive here too! I’m paying $25 a night for a room. But I won’t complain, it’s better than nothing.
My afternoon was spent heading onto the bus to Managua in order to “find” the FedEx office. Because apparently sending my package to a PO box or an apartment is too difficult, they are making me go to the following address: 4.5 km outside Managua on the highway to Masaya. Thanks. Shouldn’t be difficult to find at all.
Traveling has also made me feel like I speak no Spanish. When in reality it’s just difficult to ask people if they need help, where is the shovel, and talk about our stupid pigs. Although I suppose I could still use the pig one. The other thing I don’t like is that I am back to being a stranger. I am back to being a nameless face. While that was true to an extent too in Balgue, I am once again thrust into unfamiliarity. Which is probably good for me, if I am honest.
I guess the juxtaposition between the two are getting to me right now. Peaceful ecolodge/farm awesomeness to being alone looking for a hostel. I think I also know what I find offensive about cities here, is how much better off the Balgueans are, and don’t even appreciate it. They have easy access to food that is grown on the island or in their friends/relatives backyards. Whereas there are people who hop on the bus and try to sell you cookies, donuts, juices, etc. While this might sound nice, I found it really tragic. Someone spends their days hoping that someone buys their C$2 donut, somehow was really disheartening.
The hardest ones to deal with are the beggars. The first one I saw today was a blind man on the bus from Rivas to Masaya. He just walked up and down the bus jingling the one cordoba coins in his hand. The next was an old man with some wild scars on his elbows and stomach, who also walked with a cane.
I suppose what really irritated me about these things was that it all felt so unnecessary. What irritates me the most is that aren’t these the people we want to take care of? Or rather why are they falling through the cracks in the first place. Why do we have a surplus of food and people starving? Why do we have beggars and not places or family structures (i.e. communities) capable of looking after these people. Why do we have a world where it is necessary for someone to earn a supposed respectable wage trying to sell cheap shit made in China to Nicaraguans at the Masaya market.
While I may be on my soapbox a little bit, especially when I’m bitching about how I have to take a bus and then a taxi to get to the FedEx office for my vegan toothpaste, but at the same time why aren’t people more angry? Why aren’t people more willing to do more. Recently my friend Aimee wrote a blog piece on why aren’t we, the lucky few, on the frountlines trying to do what we can to help out the needy. While she was talking about within her own community, I feel she has a point.
When did we become so complacent. When did we decide that we’d look after our own first and forget the rest. Is this what we are sowing? No wonder we are not reaping what we want. What I am noticing more and more is a growing frustration within myself that we continue to perpetuate systems that I know and you know don’t work. Our education system, our health system, our food system, our community systems, even our justice systems are flawed. And yet we don’t really have the communal force to do something about it.
One day, I hope people get angry. I hope one day people realize that the world they are leaving for their kids isn’t better. It is more disparity between excess and poverty and more destruction. This doesn’t mean I am a pessimist and think that it can’t change, I think it will because it has too. My question is when. What will it take for people to start shifting their beliefs?
While I don’t have any answers right now, I certainly hope that I do soon. I hope that I find my own way of contributing to the change I want to see in the world. If it is one painstaking person at a time, then that will be enough. I am a believer in small scale change, I just wish sometimes that it didn’t have to be so small scale. That we could just get over ourselves and do it. But I know that I am talking to a slim minority who’d be willing to do what I thought was necessary.
So in the meantime I’ll keep on learning and growing and figuring out where I come in, in all this mess we’re in.
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