Today I want to talk about something that has weighed heavily on my mind in the past six months and hit a proverbial “brick wall” while I was in Bogota. Men treat women differently down here. Both the locals and the foreigners. What I mean is more than just a “macho” culture. It is all pervasive. It is even in Hollywood movies and the popular books we read.
I am talking about a lack of respect for what it means to be a strong women. For someone, especially of the so-called “fair” sex, to be more than just a delicate flower. To be someone who can protect herself, defend herself, provide for herself and to take care of her self: financially, spiritually, and in life in general. When I read books like Twilight, they have no seemingly harmful message at the surface. But underneath lies a deeper message. Women need men to protect themselves.
And a part of me wonders, why is this? Especially when we live in a society where more and more women are turning to education over big families. And while this is certainly not representative of everyone, it is a fairly true trend. Women, especially those educated, are waiting longer and longer to have children. When they do have children, if they do, it is generally not a large family either.
The image of a woman is changing, at least supposedly. But as a bit of a cynic-optimist, a part of me wonders if enough has been done. Rape, sexual assault, prostitution, domestic violence, etc. all of these things are still parts of society, its as true in Canada or the US or Europe as it is in India, Uganda, and Nicaragua.
My question to you all is why? Especially women and decent men. Why do more people refuse to stand up for the women in our lives? What always surprises me down here in Latin America, is that men treat women as objects. They whistle, cat call, shout out “me amor” or “my love” at you. They hiss, they kiss, they grab. They sleep around (in fairness both sexes are guilty of that) and act out their lives like they are in a tele novella. But what I can’t understand is this, how does a father stand by and watch his daughter go through this. How does he not want to kill every man who so much looks at her funny, whistles, hoots, jeers. And the truth is that they do, but they are just as to lame as the rest of society for what happens. He probably has slept with another woman, he definitely covets another mans property every once in a while. But every time, there "she" is. His daughter, mother, aunt, sister.
What I want to know is why we don’t remember that how we treat our women is how we treat our next generation. The women, still traditionally for most of the world, not only bring into the world this next generation, but raise them. They teach them the culture and hopefully, how to live within it successfully.
What I wish is that more people lived knowing that a woman is not just a thing. She is a person. She has feelings, thoughts, desires, dreams, and passions. She does not need your protection unless you make her need it. She shouldn’t need to know how to defend herself from overly touchy drunks. She shouldn’t need to be on her guard if you, men (the disgusting ones), would behave yourself. She should feel safe because you want your whole community to feel safe.
Don’t get me wrong. I know there are women out there who sexually assault men and boys. There are some women capable of doing the same things too. When 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted, and 1 in 6 men, what exactly is it that we are trying to say to society. That this is ok? That we somehow have a right in positions of power to put seemingly vulnerable women and men into some sort of pigeon hole where we can do what we want with them?
I know, for the vast majority of you reading this, you will not be a part of my rant. You will likely (I hope) agree that things like sexual violence is absolutely ridiculous, horrifying, and terrible.
What I want is for society to wake up. To stop churning out movies like The Hangover that glorify men getting drunk and shirking responsibility. I want movies like He’s Just Not That Into You, to stop portraying women as crazy, love-lorn losers. What happened to such a novel thing as a role model? Someone who could help guide you through the slurry and confusion?
Moment of truth. I was once sexually assaulted. It was not by someone I knew, but a mototaxi driver when I was in Bangkok, Thailand. It was nothing more than a grope. But the truth is, that I don’t see myself as a victim. Instead I see all of ourselves as the victims. Where men, and some women, think that they are invincible. That they can grope a foreigner without repercussions. That you can molest a child because “you groomed them”. It is not ok.
I don’t have a solution. I don’t have any words to encourage you.I just had to say my peace. And my peace is that the next time someone tells a joke about rape, it’s not a joke. The next time someone talks about a sexual assault like it’s funny, it’s not. The next time you hear a court ruling that says a woman “asked’ to be attacked because she was wearing “suggestive” clothing, it does not mean she deserved what she got.
I ask of you to look for instances in your own life where you can diminish this gender inequality. It is time for men the world over to recognize the value of a woman. And women, it’s time for us to realize that we can be strong. We can demand more from our men. Have some self-respect. And if someone disrespects you, tries to use his power over you, to stand up and do something about it. Tell your story, to someone.
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